Hi everyone! I thought I would give a quick update while I have internet on what’s been going on.

I spent 2 days and 2 nights in the psych ER waiting for my bed to be ready at the inpatient treatment centre. After 2 nights, I was told that the bed that was previously thought to be empty actually wasn’t, and there was no bed for me. So I was discharged to go home, and told that there would be a bed in the next few days.

I was SO miserable, depressed, hopeless and angry when I was discharged. My emotions were through the roof and I thought I was never going to get better. I went straight to the liquor store and started drinking at like 2 in the afternoon and continued drinking for the rest of the day. This is how charged my emotions were.

The next day, I woke up in one of the deepest darkest black holes of depression I have ever been in. Early that afternoon, I decided I was going to OD on some of my prescription meds that evening. I wasn’t necessarily trying to die, I just needed to black out so badly.

That afternoon, I got a call from my doctor. He said there was a bed and to come to the hospital asap to be admitted. I picked up my stuff and went.

My doctor may have saved my life. I’m now officially in the 30 day program and I’ve been b/p free for 2 days. It’s stressful, difficult, emotional and painful, but the support is amazing. I’ve been told it gets worse before it gets better. But I’m hanging on and I plan on following through with it.

My doctor has impeccable timing.

regainingmydreams:

‎”Your struggle with food and weight is providing an opportunity for you to find yourself. It is opening up a pathway to become radical. To be radical means to reach all the way through to the center, the ultimate source. This is what recovering from an eating disorder requires you to do. You must go beneath the obsession with food and weight, and find your way to your soul….in this way, an eating disorder can become a precious gift”

I just got the call from my doctor. I’m heading to in-patient in 2.5 hours. I’ll be there for 30 days. I’m scared and anxious and worried.

I don’t think I’ll have internet while I’m there, so my posts are going to be few and far between for a while.

Also, I just hit 100 followers.

The support and encouragement I’ve received from people on tumblr has been incredible. Having this community to connect and share and lean on people has been amazing. 

Thank-you everyone for being there for me.

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